Miley Cyrus sure is smart. So is Scott Turow. I don’t know if they’re geniuses but compared to me, a starting pitcher, they sure seem like it. I met them on Celebrity Jeopardy. I don’t know how many of you watch Jeopardy, but the way it works is they give you the answer and you have to ask the question.

And it turns out I’m not as good at questioning answers as I thought. Since this was Celebrity Jeopardy, we played to win money for charity. It was a lot of fun. They said the “clues” wouldn’t be as tough as regular Jeopardy. They were plenty tough though. And to be cute, they had categories tailored to each of us. They had “The Scottish Category” for Turow, “Smileys” for Cyrus and “Coming up Roses” for me.

I did know one clue in “my” category. “He had the most hits in MLB but was banned for gambling.” Who was Pete Rose? I couldn’t name the houses in the War of the Roses, I didn’t know that the fruit of roses are called “hips” and, well, you can see that there’s a lot I didn’t know.

When it was Final Jeopardy time, I only had $800. That’s okay, this is for charity. The winner gets $75,000 for his or her charity and the losers get $25,000. And it was obvious I wasn’t going to win. So I bet it all. The category was “World Capitals”. I don’t know anything from geography, but I was already in last place. The clue was “Former English name of the Chinese capital that hosted the 2008 Summer Olympics.” I guessed. The only Chinese capital I knew of was Beijing. And I know it used to be called “Peking” because Peking Duck is named after it. (It pays to each Chinese food.) So that’s what I wrote down. And I was right!

I ended up in last place, behind Turow, with $12,400 and Cyrus with $3,100. So that was $25,000 to the Mary Parrish Center. I wish I could’ve done better, but hey, I’m a jock, not a brainiac. If they invite me next year, I’ll do it again. And next time, maybe I’ll do better.

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