1, 2, buckle my shoe

I don’t want this blog to be full of me whining. Yeah, I get moody. But I’m really not an unhappy person.  And I’m not unhappy now, exactly. What I am is frustrated.  And I feel a little bit bad about feeling frustrated.

Remember the battle for number one?  How last year I out-pitched Thunder to secure my role as staff ace this year?  Well, that’s all well and good, but I’m not getting it done this year.  There’s no race to be the best this time out.  Well, no official race.  But I’m trying just as hard as ever.  I want to prove it wasn’t a fluke.  That I really can sustain that level of success.

Only I’m not getting it done.  If you were to look at the same stats we used last year, you would see that I only lead in two categories–Player of the Game and home runs.  We’re tied in quality starts, but everything else belongs to Thunder.  Strikeouts, ERA, innings/game.  Everything.

I want what’s best for the team.  And maybe that involves giving Thunder his spot back.  I think Achilles is mad at me.  Or at least unhappy with his decision to make me #1.  Because he hasn’t spoken to me in weeks. That’s not what I envisioned.  The dream I had was that I would take this opportunity and make the most of it.  But I can see where people might not support me in my new role.  #1 belongs to Thunder.  And it doesn’t help that I’m struggling.

And that’s something, too.  Why is it that when I use words like “struggling” to describe my situation, people are all, “Why are you saying you suck?”   If I thought I sucked, I’d say it just like that.  But I don’t suck.  I’m struggling.  By that I mean that I’m not pitching to the best of my ability. And it’s frustrating.

I’m not trying to be perfect.  That’s impossible.  I am trying to do better.  And that is what everyone should do.  It’s called “hustle”.  We’re nearly half-way through the season and I can already tell who will be #1 next year.  That’s okay, I don’t mind being #2 behind him.  I just wanted to show the world that I could be a #1.  That when I work hard, I can achieve great things.  Or maybe we have a whacked out rotation and whoever is in the #2 slot pitches better.

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