Am I good enough? It seems like only yesterday I was asking myself that question. And the answer that I came up with was that I thought I was. My numbers on the season all looked good. A vast majority of them were better than Thunder’s numbers. And he’s who I compare myself to.
Today I ask myself the same question. Am I good enough? The answer I get is different. When it mattered most, I couldn’t get it done. Against New York, I pitched two games. In game two, I gave up seven runs in five innings. That’s over 28.1 innings worth according to my ERA. I gave up nine hits and a walk. So just about everyone who got on came around. I was seventh in the conference in hits allowed and I guess the difference is I usually scatter them. This time they came in like cluster bombs, all together so as to do maximum damage.
And game six. It was a do-or-die situation and I didn’t get it done. Now, ya gotta understand. Thunder lost game one and i lost game two. But Thunder came back to win game five. And I underachieved in game six. I only gave up two runs. But if I hadn’t, we would’ve won.
The question is, “Am I good enough?” and the answer is, “Maybe not.” I certainly wasn’t able to perform when it really mattered. That performance in game two was horrible. I know that Thunder said “during the season” but I think the post-season counts for something, too. I just don’t know how much weight it should get, though.
I envy the guys who can let stuff like this roll off their backs. But those games left a sour taste in my mouth and I won’t have a chance to pitch again, to redeem myself, until next season. I know the sayings. That it’s only a game. That it’s just baseball. That sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and sometimes it rains. I hear them in my head but I don’t feel them in my heart. I guess it’ll take time. During the season, when something like this happens, I can focus on my next start and on pitching better. But now there’s no focus.
The good news is–wait, there is no good news. I guess the good news is that Achilles told me we’re resigning Spaz. There had been a lot of speculation about him becoming a free agent. But Spaz wants to stay here. We even talked about bringing back Hypnophobia. But I think we need to focus on baseball.
Nightmares in 2013! Believe it!